U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
