New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
