She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
