he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
