I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
