My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
