I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
