could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
