There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
