My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
