There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
