o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
