You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
