Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My legs feel like baby dolphins
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
