I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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