I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
