My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
