please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
