I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
