This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
