It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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