did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
