Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize