I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
