upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
