im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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