I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
