She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
