Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
