It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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