Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
