I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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