when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh god it's open bar.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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