Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
