you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How's work?
Spinning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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