Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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