Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize