Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
