He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
