Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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