so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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