Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
