i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize