there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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