Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
