I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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