Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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