Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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