she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
