Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I lost the right to judge tonight
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
