i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
