You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
