I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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