onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
