I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
