Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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