If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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