You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
