And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
