It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
