Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
