Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
