well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
