just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
