I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
