mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
