am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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