Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize