Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
