I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize