Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
